04. Love Is Not A Fight

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Thursday, April 5, 2012

On The Road To Beauty

The other day, I was thinking about makeup items I needed to purchase to make myself beautiful. So often, our society gets caught up in the outward appearance of beauty.....clothes, shoes, makeup, perfect body......I could go on. All of this to be considered beautiful.
But what if you were stripped of every luxury that pertained to that? What if, you couldn’t buy clothes, shoes, makeup, get that gym membership.....would people still consider you beautiful? You know, would your personality be uplifting, would you smile at people just to make them smile back, would you give people hope, would you reach out your hand to someone in need, would you be a pillar for someone to lean on, even if you felt weak at that moment yourself? This kind of strength and beauty can only come from God himself. 
I started thinking about all of this when I saw a homeless lady. She had nothing. Just carrying bottles in her hand, so that she could eat that night. She had no makeup, no shower, and definitely no luxuries. 
The things that make us beautiful far surpass just materialistic things. I love how God can get our attention through simple things like that. So.......would you still be considered beautiful if you were stripped of all the luxuries in your life?

Monday, January 16, 2012


When you become a parent, you never imagine how hard your life can get. I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I would be the one with a child with any sort of disability. My son was diagnosed with epilepsy almost 2 years ago - 1 month before I had my third child.

When we first were going through his seizures we had a ton of hope. I remember telling the doctors we wanted to hold off on giving him any medication for the first couple of months, thinking he would be okay.....thinking it was just a fluke and it was going to stop. Quickly we realized that they weren't going to stop and now he has been on so many different medications and nothing has worked.

So how as a parent can you sit and watch your child go through this day after day - especially when he is having seizures most, if not all of the day? I'm not sure. Although I never been one to really cry....some days I break down. I can't take watching him go through this anymore. He has so much love for everyone....I've never seen anyone with so much love for people.

Maybe God is using this to teach me to love more....to take less for granted.....to cherish the moments. I still have hope that he will get better and not have to deal with seizures anymore. I know that God loves Silas so much and that everything is in His hands.

I guess from here, we will be going to yet another EEG and possibly another MRI where he has to be sedated. It was really hard the last time we had to watch him get sedated, so I'm not looking forward to all of the emotions that will go along with that. Please pray for our little guy in these upcoming weeks, as we hear from the doctor for what's to come.

Friday, January 6, 2012

Hand Picked

My husband gets me flowers from time to time. The thing about Paul is, he doesn't just grab the first bouquet he sees. He actually goes in and hand picks flowers for me. Not just any bouquet will do. He inspects them, admires their beauty, and then will bring the perfect ones home to me. And he hopes that I will appreciate the time he took and look at them in the same light that he does.....that they are perfect. 
So why did I choose to write about my husband bringing me home a bouquet of flowers? Well, after all these years of Paul doing this, I finally realized something. In the same way that Paul goes to pick out flowers for me, our heavenly Father has hand picked us. He choose us before the world was created. He wanted you - you were hand picked. 
I really think we are all, in a sense, like flowers. You see, we all need people around us who will be the fertile dirt beneath us, who will help water us, and give us sun light so that we can grow. And then there is the other side of it. As we grow, God is producing gifts and talents in our lives with the help people around us, so that we can also bless others - the pollen if you will. And what is pollen used for? Well, to produce honey in the life of others. We are all part of this. Each one of us was hand picked by the Father. Even if you don't see it, there are people around you who need you to uplift them and help them grow. They need your love and support, encouragement to get through the hard times in life, and just someone to be able to laugh with.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Life in the SLOW lane

So many of us live so much of our lives in the fast lane with day to day activities.....paying bills, taking care of kids, doing dishes and laundry, scrubbing the bathrooms and floors throughout the house, going to work, making dinner.....the list is endless. We often get so caught up in our lives that we forget to enjoy everything we are blessed with - or enjoy being in the SLOW lane.

I was fortunate to be able to take a step back on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. We had to spend the night in the hospital with Silas and that is where we rang in the New Year.....not what I had planned at all. We had to cancel plans with friends for that night and I wasn't sure what we were going to do with our girls, since they weren't allowed to stay at the hospital. God always provides for us even when we don't know how things are going to happen. A wonderful friend of mine, who has such a wonderful heart, offered to stay with my girls and didn't charge me. She spent the night with them and was with them for close to a full day. I mean, what a blessing to have a friend who would drop everything when you need them!

Life in the SLOW lane can really be a wonderful thing when you are taking time to be thankful for the friends, family, and even the things we have that we take for granted on a day to day basis. Have you ever been on vacation and just enjoyed the scenery around you? People honking at you from behind to hurry up, but you just can't......you want to enjoy the beauty. Enjoy the SLOW lane of life.....your husband or wife, your kids, your families, being a stay at home or working mom, doing dishes, doing laundry, whatever ever you put your hands to. God has blessed us all with so much to be thankful for!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Cherishing life with a merry heart!

So many things to do. So many places to go. I don't have enough time. What do I need to get done tomorrow? These are often things that run through my head. The endless lists that I carry on writing so that hopefully the next day will go smoother. But tonight....I'm learning to have a sense of calm. My husband came home tonight not feeling the greatest. Now, I don't think it's really a sick "I'm not feeling good" but rather a "I'm so stressed" not feeling good. There is so much going on right now with us between me going to school, trying to find a nanny, how are we going to afford this and that (mostly the costs of adding school into the mix when it will be 6 classes), my husband's work demands....all those kinds of things. I was also feeling the stress today. It wasn't until right before dinner that I realized I need to get through my days cherishing life with a merry heart! We can all get so caught up in our day to day routines and stressing about these things, but really it doesn't do us any good. In the Bible, it says, "A merry doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22) and "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." (Proverbs 15:13).

If we could all just lean on the Lord and know that He is good, faithful, all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful God, it would make our lives just a little easier! I was so thankful that He brought me to that place where I could remember to be merry. It is so important to be "merry" for your husband. I mean, the Lord created us to be our husband's "help meet". So if I let my stressful day make my husband's day even more stressful, I'm not being my husband's help meet. Now, I'm not suggesting that we cover up things that go wrong in our day and put on a fake smile as to pretend life is perfect. But just remembering to smile at our husbands when they walk in the door without bombarding them every little detail of our day. Remembering to be his soft place to fall, remembering the little things we would go out of our way to do for them when we dated them, remembering to laugh often, remembering to cherish every moment.

Tonight I tried to cherish my husband, by staying up to unplug his helicopter battery when it finally finished charging (I know sounds silly, but I know it's a big deal for him) and in the mean time, while I waited, I rubbed his head to help him relax and fall asleep. I've rubbed his head many times, but tonight, I really took the time to cherish the moment. I stared at him as he fell asleep and I just prayed for him and his day tomorrow. I don't know what the days hold, but I sure do love this man that the Lord blessed me with. I am so thankful every day to have such a wonderful man who is willing to work so hard for me and the kids and couldn't be more thankful that he puts all his wants and needs aside to tend to our family. I can only hope that everyday I give him the same, by giving our marriage and family my all. It's definitely a two way street.

I challenge you today to make it a point for the next 30 days to constantly remember to be merry. They say that's about how long it takes to make a habit out of it!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Cleaning out the closets at 2am

All I can think right now is, "what am I doing blogging at 2am?" I couldn't sleep, so I decided to clean out the closets. Time to go through and sort out what I am keeping, what I'm getting rid of, and what just needs to be thrown away. I'm proud to say I finished what I started, but now it only led me to think...."what in my closet (or heart) do I need to clean out?" Sometimes, the Lord really takes simple tasks, such as this, to really make us think about what He is trying to do in our lives. So tonight it's simple, I'm asking Him, "what are you wanting me to keep, to give away, and what damaged pieces do you want to turn into something that will better my life?" I love the 2am talks I get to have with the Lord. Makes it worth the lack of sleep!

Oh yes, and an update on my little man....he has gone 1 week without a grand mal. Even though we still have been dealing with the short seizures daily, it's enough to praise the Lord for the blessing of a week without a large one!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

School registration and dealing with my son's seizures

So for those of you who don't know.... I'm now going back to school. I'm about to finish my first quarter and then on to my next. I've currently been taking 3 classes with a ton of homework and will now be taking 5 full time classes and 1 part time class. I'm so thankful that the Lord has provided me with the opportunity to go back to school.

During this current quarter, I've had to deal with my son having seizures more than normal. If you don't know me, or my situation, my son is almost 5 and started having seizures at the age of 3 1/2. He went from being a perfectly healthy kid (who almost never was sick), to having seizures out of the blue. He has about 4 different types of seizures. We deal with grand mals at least once every 2 weeks, but can as little as every 3 days. Lately, he's been having his other seizures every day. I know a lot of people see my tough outer shell, but what mom doesn't break down from time to time having to deal with things like this? Yes, I have my days where I just break down crying, wondering why God allows this to happen. The thing is, I know God loves my son even more than I do, so He will take care of all of Silas' needs. We have been blessed even through this, for the fact that our marriage has grown. We've decided to give all of our concerns and frustrations about it to the Lord and He in turn has given us the strength to deal with it. We just started a new medication a few days ago on top of what he's already taking. It's hard to watch sometimes because he goes through emotional/aggressive behaviors whenever he starts a new medication, but it usually seems to mellow out after a couple of weeks.

Anyone who reads this, I ask you to pray for my son. For protection for his brain, for him to do well with schooling (the doc told us he will NOT do well, but I'm believing that God has more for him), and for the right medication to be found for him. Please also pray for our girls who are younger. I don't ever want them to feel neglected, although that sometimes is hard being that we are dealing with Silas so much. And lastly, for Paul and I, that God will continue to give us strength everyday. That He will guide us in how to deal with these seizures and that through all of this hardship for us, that it will bring glory to His kingdom.

I just want to say, even with all that I've had to deal with, it is such a blessing to have each child.....no matter if I have to deal with seizures or not. Just to hear him say (especially after having a seizure), "I love you mommy" it brings tears to my eyes knowing he's hurting, but joy at the same time that God has blessed me with such a wonderful little man!