04. Love Is Not A Fight

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Monday, August 29, 2011

Cherishing life with a merry heart!

So many things to do. So many places to go. I don't have enough time. What do I need to get done tomorrow? These are often things that run through my head. The endless lists that I carry on writing so that hopefully the next day will go smoother. But tonight....I'm learning to have a sense of calm. My husband came home tonight not feeling the greatest. Now, I don't think it's really a sick "I'm not feeling good" but rather a "I'm so stressed" not feeling good. There is so much going on right now with us between me going to school, trying to find a nanny, how are we going to afford this and that (mostly the costs of adding school into the mix when it will be 6 classes), my husband's work demands....all those kinds of things. I was also feeling the stress today. It wasn't until right before dinner that I realized I need to get through my days cherishing life with a merry heart! We can all get so caught up in our day to day routines and stressing about these things, but really it doesn't do us any good. In the Bible, it says, "A merry doeth good like a medicine, but a broken spirit drieth up the bones." (Proverbs 17:22) and "A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken." (Proverbs 15:13).

If we could all just lean on the Lord and know that He is good, faithful, all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful God, it would make our lives just a little easier! I was so thankful that He brought me to that place where I could remember to be merry. It is so important to be "merry" for your husband. I mean, the Lord created us to be our husband's "help meet". So if I let my stressful day make my husband's day even more stressful, I'm not being my husband's help meet. Now, I'm not suggesting that we cover up things that go wrong in our day and put on a fake smile as to pretend life is perfect. But just remembering to smile at our husbands when they walk in the door without bombarding them every little detail of our day. Remembering to be his soft place to fall, remembering the little things we would go out of our way to do for them when we dated them, remembering to laugh often, remembering to cherish every moment.

Tonight I tried to cherish my husband, by staying up to unplug his helicopter battery when it finally finished charging (I know sounds silly, but I know it's a big deal for him) and in the mean time, while I waited, I rubbed his head to help him relax and fall asleep. I've rubbed his head many times, but tonight, I really took the time to cherish the moment. I stared at him as he fell asleep and I just prayed for him and his day tomorrow. I don't know what the days hold, but I sure do love this man that the Lord blessed me with. I am so thankful every day to have such a wonderful man who is willing to work so hard for me and the kids and couldn't be more thankful that he puts all his wants and needs aside to tend to our family. I can only hope that everyday I give him the same, by giving our marriage and family my all. It's definitely a two way street.

I challenge you today to make it a point for the next 30 days to constantly remember to be merry. They say that's about how long it takes to make a habit out of it!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Cleaning out the closets at 2am

All I can think right now is, "what am I doing blogging at 2am?" I couldn't sleep, so I decided to clean out the closets. Time to go through and sort out what I am keeping, what I'm getting rid of, and what just needs to be thrown away. I'm proud to say I finished what I started, but now it only led me to think...."what in my closet (or heart) do I need to clean out?" Sometimes, the Lord really takes simple tasks, such as this, to really make us think about what He is trying to do in our lives. So tonight it's simple, I'm asking Him, "what are you wanting me to keep, to give away, and what damaged pieces do you want to turn into something that will better my life?" I love the 2am talks I get to have with the Lord. Makes it worth the lack of sleep!

Oh yes, and an update on my little man....he has gone 1 week without a grand mal. Even though we still have been dealing with the short seizures daily, it's enough to praise the Lord for the blessing of a week without a large one!

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

School registration and dealing with my son's seizures

So for those of you who don't know.... I'm now going back to school. I'm about to finish my first quarter and then on to my next. I've currently been taking 3 classes with a ton of homework and will now be taking 5 full time classes and 1 part time class. I'm so thankful that the Lord has provided me with the opportunity to go back to school.

During this current quarter, I've had to deal with my son having seizures more than normal. If you don't know me, or my situation, my son is almost 5 and started having seizures at the age of 3 1/2. He went from being a perfectly healthy kid (who almost never was sick), to having seizures out of the blue. He has about 4 different types of seizures. We deal with grand mals at least once every 2 weeks, but can as little as every 3 days. Lately, he's been having his other seizures every day. I know a lot of people see my tough outer shell, but what mom doesn't break down from time to time having to deal with things like this? Yes, I have my days where I just break down crying, wondering why God allows this to happen. The thing is, I know God loves my son even more than I do, so He will take care of all of Silas' needs. We have been blessed even through this, for the fact that our marriage has grown. We've decided to give all of our concerns and frustrations about it to the Lord and He in turn has given us the strength to deal with it. We just started a new medication a few days ago on top of what he's already taking. It's hard to watch sometimes because he goes through emotional/aggressive behaviors whenever he starts a new medication, but it usually seems to mellow out after a couple of weeks.

Anyone who reads this, I ask you to pray for my son. For protection for his brain, for him to do well with schooling (the doc told us he will NOT do well, but I'm believing that God has more for him), and for the right medication to be found for him. Please also pray for our girls who are younger. I don't ever want them to feel neglected, although that sometimes is hard being that we are dealing with Silas so much. And lastly, for Paul and I, that God will continue to give us strength everyday. That He will guide us in how to deal with these seizures and that through all of this hardship for us, that it will bring glory to His kingdom.

I just want to say, even with all that I've had to deal with, it is such a blessing to have each child.....no matter if I have to deal with seizures or not. Just to hear him say (especially after having a seizure), "I love you mommy" it brings tears to my eyes knowing he's hurting, but joy at the same time that God has blessed me with such a wonderful little man!